Ok, so I got into a rather emotionally charged discussion today about relationships between males and females, like how to be friends with a guy and keep sex out of it. Basically, a friend mentioned how a girl he used to have sex with ten years ago has recently gotten in touch with him and wants to stay at his place while she visits the city he currently lives in. She wants to, something to the effect of “hang out, have some wine, and chat like girlfriends.” So this guy is thinking “ok, number one, I’m not a chick, and number two, she wants to have sex with me.” The thing is, this girl is married (ok, you’re thinking “so what”), but the guy thinks that she should make her intentions blatantly known because he’s a guy, guy’s think about sex all the time, and they’ve slept together, so she needs to acknowledge if this is truly a “friend” thing, or if she plans on screwing him. I guess if there is alcohol involved and the two people have a sexual history together, one could go ahead and assume the sex may happen again. But isn’t it possible for them to just hang out and be friends without the sex? Why must this girl have to come out and say she doesn’t want to have sex? So what if he’s a dude! She obviously enjoys his company and wants to hang out, and “hang out” does not equate “sex.”
I guess I thought about it from my own experience of having a male best friend. Ok, so we also had a sexual relationship in the past. It wasn’t a “mistake,” but I wasn’t into it (I’m into women). I have since explained to him repeatedly that that is not the basis of our relationship – we are friends, and there will be no sex or a future boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I should also acknowledge that I made my intentions known to him before so as to avoid the blurring of our relationship by saying, “Just so you know, I’m not having sex with you” and his response was a very asshole “what, you’re that high on yourself and just assume that I want to have sex with you?” And I’m thinking, ok buddy, the fact that you are practically groping me right now means you’re NOT thinking that right now? Come on. So that approach pretty much backfired and put a momentary kink in our relationship where I was offended and he was embarrassed.
So anyways, time has passed (almost a year), and our relationship has been strictly platonic. Now we are going to be living together as roommates once I move to LA, but now, after hearing this guy’s story I explained above, the question remains – is it a bad idea to live together with a guy friend because we happened to have sex before? We’re beyond that now, but according to this guy I was talking to today, it’s a bad idea, it will never work, and it’s unfair to my guy friend because he will always be wanting the sex. What?!? Can’t we just be friends who live together? Is this not a viable possibility due to our “past” history?
I’d like to think men have some self-control and can get beyond this whole obsession with sex insofar as my friend can live with me and bring other chicks home to have sex with instead of me. I mean, seriously. Our friendship should be stronger than that.
Any thoughts? Leave a comment. Maybe I will add more to this later as I marinate over it for the remainder of the day. (FYI, love the word “marinate” – heard it used on the movie, Kissing Jessica Stein – hilarious film that explores relationships and the fluidity of human sexuality – check it out)
I think there are too many stereotypical mind blocks that prevent us from grasping a reality that men and women can coincide without sex. It does happen but its unheard of. Why? Because so many people give in and it leads to sex.
A thinks about sex a lot. Girls give out a lot more than they even realize. Any kind of flirting will get a guy thinking he’s got a chance because we’re too often naive and foolish; also lead by the little guy down below so to speak. Innocent flirting is dangerous. Women know they have advantages over men that they exploit too often for their own advantages. Men push women into sex because they’re horny assholes.
It all equates in my mind since men and women alike have fatal flaws that leads to something of the nature of…say, sex? Bottom line, a man and a woman are capable of living together in a platonic nature but hormones typically will end up getting the best of one individual or the both of them.
a vicious cycle we all live, right? i enjoyed your post.
Considering you are into women it might possibily work, but I have a feeling you will need to be the one to keep the hold on the friendship and keep it there. Face it, men are men and men think about sex like every three seconds. I’m not sure how many guys have told me this, but it’s also a proven fact
I think about sex to, but I know it’s not AS OFTEN as men do. I have had guy friends in the past but at the moment I don’t really have any who live in the same town as me. If I do know any men and have their phone number they are more of acquaintences and we might text message back and forth or something every once in awhile.
I think since you are into women the odds of the living situation working out is far greater than if you wanted a man. Sometimes I think when men are friends with women or vice versa it’s just another way for them to be around women when they aren’t seeing someone, and if they are with someone it’s just another woman they are around that they find attractive. He may know that you are not into him that way, but to him it’s just sex and he may want it no matter what. I guess it all depends on the guy.
Did I just talk in circles? Jeez, I hope not! Nice entry! I’ll be back!