Male and Female Friendships

6 02 2008


Ok, so I got into a rather emotionally charged discussion today about relationships between males and females, like how to be friends with a guy and keep sex out of it. Basically, a friend mentioned how a girl he used to have sex with ten years ago has recently gotten in touch with him and wants to stay at his place while she visits the city he currently lives in. She wants to, something to the effect of “hang out, have some wine, and chat like girlfriends.” So this guy is thinking “ok, number one, I’m not a chick, and number two, she wants to have sex with me.” The thing is, this girl is married (ok, you’re thinking “so what”), but the guy thinks that she should make her intentions blatantly known because he’s a guy, guy’s think about sex all the time, and they’ve slept together, so she needs to acknowledge if this is truly a “friend” thing, or if she plans on screwing him. I guess if there is alcohol involved and the two people have a sexual history together, one could go ahead and assume the sex may happen again. But isn’t it possible for them to just hang out and be friends without the sex? Why must this girl have to come out and say she doesn’t want to have sex? So what if he’s a dude! She obviously enjoys his company and wants to hang out, and “hang out” does not equate “sex.”

I guess I thought about it from my own experience of having a male best friend. Ok, so we also had a sexual relationship in the past. It wasn’t a “mistake,” but I wasn’t into it (I’m into women). I have since explained to him repeatedly that that is not the basis of our relationship – we are friends, and there will be no sex or a future boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I should also acknowledge that I made my intentions known to him before so as to avoid the blurring of our relationship by saying, “Just so you know, I’m not having sex with you” and his response was a very asshole “what, you’re that high on yourself and just assume that I want to have sex with you?” And I’m thinking, ok buddy, the fact that you are practically groping me right now means you’re NOT thinking that right now? Come on. So that approach pretty much backfired and put a momentary kink in our relationship where I was offended and he was embarrassed.

So anyways, time has passed (almost a year), and our relationship has been strictly platonic. Now we are going to be living together as roommates once I move to LA, but now, after hearing this guy’s story I explained above, the question remains – is it a bad idea to live together with a guy friend because we happened to have sex before? We’re beyond that now, but according to this guy I was talking to today, it’s a bad idea, it will never work, and it’s unfair to my guy friend because he will always be wanting the sex. What?!? Can’t we just be friends who live together? Is this not a viable possibility due to our “past” history?

I’d like to think men have some self-control and can get beyond this whole obsession with sex insofar as my friend can live with me and bring other chicks home to have sex with instead of me. I mean, seriously. Our friendship should be stronger than that.

Any thoughts? Leave a comment. Maybe I will add more to this later as I marinate over it for the remainder of the day. (FYI, love the word “marinate” – heard it used on the movie, Kissing Jessica Stein – hilarious film that explores relationships and the fluidity of human sexuality – check it out)