Continued Thoughts and Complexities on Male/Female Friendships

14 02 2008
Wow, thanks to those who provided feedback! I thought I’d start another post since my comments were so long : ) Perhaps others would like to chime in!”Girls give out a lot more than they even realize. Any kind of flirting will get a guy thinking he’s got a chance because we’re too often naive and foolish; also lead by the little guy down below so to speak. Innocent flirting is dangerous. Women know they have advantages over men that they exploit too often for their own advantages.”


I appreciate your point about women giving off mixed signals. I’m not going to deny that we like the attention men give us and often respond in very flirtatious ways. It’s probably not fair to men, but women are often dealing with their own insecurities, so when given attention, we tend to thrive on it. I’m not trying to excuse women’s flirtatious behavior. I hear what you are saying and agree that women do exploit this “power” they have over men…that’s what we call a cock tease, right? Yeah, I’ve been guilty of that before…not fair and I need to remember that, especially if my friend and I are to have a healthy living situation.

“Considering you are into women it might possibily work, but I have a feeling you will need to be the one to keep the hold on the friendship and keep it there. Face it, men are men and men think about sex like every three seconds. I’m not sure how many guys have told me this, but it’s also a proven fact.”


You raise very good points as well, and I agree that it will be up to me to keep our friendship in check and stand firm in the event that my friend and I start walking that fine line again (which usually happens when we’ve been drinking and our inhibitions are lowered).

I think part of the reason why I have blurred the lines in the past is that I’m still trying to figure out my own sexuality. I grew up in the Midwest where homosexuality is not as tolerated as say, LA, and my parents are still very much in denial and unwilling to talk about it, so part of me still has a lot of “coming out” to do, meaning I need to be open in the gay community and date people. I have not dated a woman since my first and only girlfriend 4-5 years ago – god that’s a long time! But I think that because I am still growing as a person and trying to figure out, and be comfortable with, my sexuality, I gave in several times to sex with my friend partly because I was curious to see whether I could enjoy it, to see if perhaps I was missing something, that I wasn’t gay? I don’t know….bottom line is, I’m gay and do not enjoy sex with men.

As for men thinking about sex all the time, I think sex is probably on my mind just as frequently because I’m horny as hell and not having any! In fact, that’s one of the great things about my friend! We can talk about how hot chicks are, how we’d like to “bend her over” (we often get vulgar) and about the “sessions” we needed to have on any given day! LOL…he’s really a great friend! I’m confident everything will work out…he’s too important to me for it not to!

Thanks for your comments!


Male and Female Friendships

6 02 2008


Ok, so I got into a rather emotionally charged discussion today about relationships between males and females, like how to be friends with a guy and keep sex out of it. Basically, a friend mentioned how a girl he used to have sex with ten years ago has recently gotten in touch with him and wants to stay at his place while she visits the city he currently lives in. She wants to, something to the effect of “hang out, have some wine, and chat like girlfriends.” So this guy is thinking “ok, number one, I’m not a chick, and number two, she wants to have sex with me.” The thing is, this girl is married (ok, you’re thinking “so what”), but the guy thinks that she should make her intentions blatantly known because he’s a guy, guy’s think about sex all the time, and they’ve slept together, so she needs to acknowledge if this is truly a “friend” thing, or if she plans on screwing him. I guess if there is alcohol involved and the two people have a sexual history together, one could go ahead and assume the sex may happen again. But isn’t it possible for them to just hang out and be friends without the sex? Why must this girl have to come out and say she doesn’t want to have sex? So what if he’s a dude! She obviously enjoys his company and wants to hang out, and “hang out” does not equate “sex.”

I guess I thought about it from my own experience of having a male best friend. Ok, so we also had a sexual relationship in the past. It wasn’t a “mistake,” but I wasn’t into it (I’m into women). I have since explained to him repeatedly that that is not the basis of our relationship – we are friends, and there will be no sex or a future boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I should also acknowledge that I made my intentions known to him before so as to avoid the blurring of our relationship by saying, “Just so you know, I’m not having sex with you” and his response was a very asshole “what, you’re that high on yourself and just assume that I want to have sex with you?” And I’m thinking, ok buddy, the fact that you are practically groping me right now means you’re NOT thinking that right now? Come on. So that approach pretty much backfired and put a momentary kink in our relationship where I was offended and he was embarrassed.

So anyways, time has passed (almost a year), and our relationship has been strictly platonic. Now we are going to be living together as roommates once I move to LA, but now, after hearing this guy’s story I explained above, the question remains – is it a bad idea to live together with a guy friend because we happened to have sex before? We’re beyond that now, but according to this guy I was talking to today, it’s a bad idea, it will never work, and it’s unfair to my guy friend because he will always be wanting the sex. What?!? Can’t we just be friends who live together? Is this not a viable possibility due to our “past” history?

I’d like to think men have some self-control and can get beyond this whole obsession with sex insofar as my friend can live with me and bring other chicks home to have sex with instead of me. I mean, seriously. Our friendship should be stronger than that.

Any thoughts? Leave a comment. Maybe I will add more to this later as I marinate over it for the remainder of the day. (FYI, love the word “marinate” – heard it used on the movie, Kissing Jessica Stein – hilarious film that explores relationships and the fluidity of human sexuality – check it out)